Imagine a domesticated animal having been sheltered in a loving home for most of its life then suddenly being released to the wilderness. Imagine the fear, the curiosity, the emotions that would hit that animal all at once. That is exactly what I relate my life to after my divorce because I had lived in a protected, deeply spiritual- Christian environment, was a stay-at-home mom, and did not work with the public except for church and volunteering at the elementary school. I listened only to worship music like hymns, watched minimal television, stayed home most of the time, and had few friends. My family was my world.
There's a ton of stuff I'm not going to talk about right now, so jump forward 4 years and here I am. I am back on my website writing with a purpose. What about the last four years though? You might ask. Well, they were kept in the dark. I wrote plenty during that time. Most of what I wrote was under secret aliases as I could not let my church friends see or hear what was going on in my mind and ultimately in my life. I was exploring the modern age. What most of society thought was normal, I hadn't participated in. I discovered how socially awkward I really was. Yet, in my secret world I was accepted. I found a new community and there was no pressure to live up to any standards. It is there that I experimented with several things most likely not approved by the church. It is there however that I discovered my love of writing poetry. It was therapy for me on so many levels.
Today I have come to terms with it, but for the last four years I was slightly ashamed of what I was doing. No, actually, I wasn't ashamed- I was facing life head-on and making decisions I thought were right for me. It's just that the old me, the church lady, wouldn't approve. I am at the point now where I am accepting everything I did to the point that I compiled all of my writings from those four years and put them in a book call "Released to the Wild."
I've asked my children not to read it, not yet at least. I told them some of it would make them uncomfortable. Here's the thing though, they've been with me for the last four years and much of what I wrote about though poetry, they've witnessed with their own eyes. We have actually grown closer since we've all left the nest. We've talked about many of the subjects I've written about. They were the only few who heard my secrets directly as they unfolded (with some filters of course.) I believe it has been helpful in their healing since the divorce.
So, if you are reading this as a church person or you know me as such, heed this warning- don't read my latest book. If you do and you choose to judge me, I will block you from my life. This is not up for discussion. If you know me from the last four years and are dying to know my secrets- well, have fun with that because you will not be surprised. Anyone I've met in these last four years has seen the real me of late
Today I am at an intersection and I have no doubt which way to go. My paths have all merged and now I am embracing ALL OF ME. There is no left or right to decide, there is absolutely no turning back, there is only onward and upward. From here on out, I am everything I want to be with no secret identities. My latest book is published and like the others, ends a path from the past. I deleted all of my secret writing pages. I removed all of the content from my Instagram page that is already in the book. Now, I move forward with new idea, new hopes and yes-even new dreams.
Thank you for catching up with me and I look forward to connecting down the road.
Oh! About that domesticated animal- I've adapted to my surroundings and now I'm thriving!