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Lori Minutoli

Writer, Poet, Author

Something to Say


Posted on May 12, 2019 at 4:25 PM
I wonder if I have the courage to speak openly about my thoughts- if I could write what's on my mind without fear or concern for what people may say. It's been years since I've published anything current. This is the first step, right? Putting my fingers on the keyboard and jumping in. Yeah, well, it's a little troubling because my attitude and way of thinking has changed over the last few years. Let me show you. . I went to church this morning, alone, on Mother's Day. I sat in about the third row, middle section, first seat. I have been to this church a few times and each time I am annoyed by the people around me. It seems I prefer the quiet, reserved type at church. I want to slip in unnoticed, listen to what God has to say through the service and slip out unscathed by humans. That is truly the opposite of what church is for. Church is a gathering of the family of God to worship the Lord. Family, as in the ones you care about, cling to, run to in time of need and joy. Family, the ones who look forward to seeing you and are interested in your daily life and the lives of your loved ones; yet I don't want to be a part of that. I think the only reason I go to church is because I think God wants me to and I want to obey. I (not so secretly anymore) wish no one would talk to me. You see, the people at this church are the friendliest, happiest, most welcoming people I've met lately. They sing and dance and put their hands up during the praise service. There's bright lights and video cameras moving all around the church. I realize they are filming for television and Youtube but it's all so distracting. I realize that if it weren't for this filming I would never have known about this church. Yet for some reason I am annoyed by all of it. . There's more. I think I am also annoyed by Christians. Not the people at this church but Christians in general. I am angry at them to be honest. I don't want to be apart of any group of Christians. Yet I am one. A Christian. Though you may be doubting that at this point. I may be projecting some deep wounds onto a mass of people and may be blaming the whole for the part of a few, but that is where I am right now. As far as church goes. Yet I know that things like this are the brainwashing of the devil and this type of attack is meant to keep me from church, from God and from his Redeeming Grace. Thus the reason I haven't written anything in years. Fear is keeping all of this inside me. Fear is prohibiting me from fulfilling my calling. Fear is driving me away from the very thing I know I am supposed to do. .

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