|Posted on December 4, 2019 at 8:00 PM|
You can't possibly know the trauma involved in my family's lives over ornaments on a Christmas tree.
Before I was married, 25 years ago, I had a lovely collection of exquisite hand blown glass ornaments that I picked out one by one and a glorious angel with a flowing dress. I hand wrapped each ornament after the season was over and safely tucked them away. Over the 20 years of my marriage more sentimental ornaments were added, you know "family" ornaments. I also had established a collection of snowmen which people often gifted me. The ornaments on our tree represented my entire adult life and meant a lot to me.
When things turned ugly in my marriage, these ornaments suffered attack. Every angel was destroyed, every Santa too, along with any 5 pointed stars. Thrown in the trash physically mangled. Slowly those precious ornaments were replaced with meaningless dollar store plastic balls until eventually the entire tree meant nothing as it represented the destruction of my family.
It's been 4 years since I've left the marriage and the house. I did not take any ornaments or snowmen. I started over with an artificial tree and hand picked not-exquisite ornaments 3 years ago. And then last year my son gave me a shoebox of ornaments from a house clean-out job he did. The little ornate ornaments held value to someone years ago and even though they are not mine by choice, they are special to me because of the gift giver. My son knew I didn't take my heirlooms and he thought these delicate ornaments were special enough for me. I love them!
Jesus is working on restoring all things in my life, I see it. Clearly he has given me the Christmas Spirit and it feels wonderful. I have been buying ornaments at various cheap stores to fill in the empty spots with color. This time I don't care that the ornaments are cheap because I have a new love for the entire Christmas experience.
I have been shopping and wrapping gifts and for once it is ALL COMING FROM MY HEART. It's not about how much I spend, who gets what, or if the ribbons are on right. My heart is pure and very excited to CELEBRATE with my children this year. It is the first time having this GENUINE desire for family time in more years than I can remember.