|Posted on August 12, 2019 at 10:15 AM|
I thought I was getting better, healing and moving on, until I came face to face with family from the past. Yes, imagine I said it that way, as if family could be cordoned off to a place in time. Over flowing with deeply sad emotions, I made it home from seeing them and almost couldn't breathe. People just don't know how much a strong woman holds inside. I couldn't hold back the tears while talking to them but I was trying to.
My ex-husband's family was my adopted family for 20+ years. They were everything I ever wanted in life- a big, loving, connected family. However, when I got divorced, I divorced the family as well. I do realize this was a self-inflicted form of punishment but it was a choice I made for deeply personal reasons of which I am not going to talk about right now. Maybe the healing takes time. Maybe I will have to test the waters inch by inch instead of diving right back in. I don't know but today I became very aware of how raw things still are for me. I appreciate their warm, tender compassion - I felt it. But I am not interested in doing that again. Nope. I would rather stay in the safety of my little world and send out these notes to the big world via writing.
I honestly believe there is a bigger story happening, one that I just can't see, a new book being written perhaps, or maybe just new chapters.