It seems my respect level for Christians is hovering around only those who are openly honest with their imperfections. I believe it's transparency that gains my respect. I'm sure this is some type of flaw on my part but I honestly feel like the days of me trusting everyone are over. I don't seem to trust anyone anymore. I truly feel that everyone has things they hide from people simply to protect the identity they allowed to form in other people's minds. I think some even have themselves fooled. But then again maybe I am a harsh judge and I shall be rebuked for it by one the wiser.
I often tell people that I once was a great liar. I was so deep into lying that I didn't know what was truth about my own life growing up. I had to remember what I told people by constantly replaying the stories in my mind. Now that I'm older and a couple of decades beyond my lying years, I am able to look back and see how manipulative my thinking was. I am even able to see what triggered the lies. I can see the life of the lie and how the process evolved as I got older. Only when I received the forgiveness of Jesus at the moment I believed did I get to start over and erase the lying characteristic in my being. It was something I looked forward to doing-not lying.
So the old expression "it takes one to know one" applies to me. I used to be a liar and so I feel like I can see one; but I have an over achieving mind which likes to make everyone a liar. Anyway, I also think the word hypocrite aligns perfectly with my thoughts on liars. Why am I confessing all of this? Because it explains why I don't want to talk to people. It explains why I don't want to be around people. I feel like I have wasted most of my life believing people I trusted only to find out that much of what I believed was a lie. I've wasted my life trusting. WASTED MY LIFE. on people. Now that doesn't sound very Christian does it?