Lori Minutoli    

Writer, Poet, Artist 

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Still Raw (painful reality)

Posted on August 12, 2019 at 10:15 AM Comments comments (0)

I thought I was getting better, healing and moving on, until I came face to face with family from the past.  Yes, imagine I said it that way, as if family could be cordoned off to a place in time. Over flowing with deeply sad emotions, I made it home from seeing them and almost couldn't breathe.  People just don't know how much a strong woman holds inside.  I couldn't hold back the tears while talking to them but I was trying to.  My ex-husband's family was my adopted family for 20+ years.  They were everything I ever wanted in life- a big, loving, connected family.  However, when I got divorced, I divorced the family as well.  I do realize this was  a self-inflicted form of punishment but it was a choice I made for deeply personal reasons of which I am not going to talk about right now.  Maybe the healing takes time.  Maybe I will have to test the waters inch by inch instead of diving right back in.  I don't know but today I became very aware of how raw things still are for me.  I appreciate their warm, tender compassion - I felt it.  But I am not interested in doing that again.  Nope.  I would rather stay in the safety of my little world  and send out these notes to the big world via writing. I put this out here because I honestly believe there is a bigger story happening, one that I just can't see, a new book being written perhaps.