|Posted on January 26, 2020 at 3:35 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted on December 26, 2019 at 4:20 PM||comments (0)|
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|Posted on December 4, 2019 at 8:00 PM||comments (0)|
You can't possibly know the trauma involved in my family's lives over ornaments on a Christmas tree.
Before I was married, 25 years ago, I had a lovely collection of exquisite hand blown glass ornaments that I picked out one by one and a glorious angel with a flowing dress. I hand wrapped each ornament after the season was over and safely tucked them away. Over the 20 years of my marriage more sentimental ornaments were added, you know "family" ornaments. I also had established a collection of snowmen which people often gifted me. The ornaments on our tree represented my entire adult life and meant a lot to me.
When things turned ugly in my marriage, these ornaments suffered attack. Every angel was destroyed, every Santa too, along with any 5 pointed stars. Thrown in the trash physically mangled. Slowly those precious ornaments were replaced with meaningless dollar store plastic balls until eventually the entire tree meant nothing as it represented the destruction of my family.
It's been 4 years since I've left the marriage and the house. I did not take any ornaments or snowmen. I started over with an artificial tree and hand picked not-exquisite ornaments 3 years ago. And then last year my son gave me a shoebox of ornaments from a house clean-out job he did. The little ornate ornaments held value to someone years ago and even though they are not mine by choice, they are special to me because of the gift giver. My son knew I didn't take my heirlooms and he thought these delicate ornaments were special enough for me. I love them!
Jesus is working on restoring all things in my life, I see it. Clearly he has given me the Christmas Spirit and it feels wonderful. I have been buying ornaments at various cheap stores to fill in the empty spots with color. This time I don't care that the ornaments are cheap because I have a new love for the entire Christmas experience.
I have been shopping and wrapping gifts and for once it is ALL COMING FROM MY HEART. It's not about how much I spend, who gets what, or if the ribbons are on right. My heart is pure and very excited to CELEBRATE with my children this year. It is the first time having this GENUINE desire for family time in more years than I can remember.
|Posted on November 2, 2019 at 10:25 PM||comments (0)|
National Novel Writing Month is in full swing and I'm participating this year for the first time. I'm writing a memoir- finally going to get the story out that's been locked inside me my whole life. My hope is that in doing this I'll be able to spring forward with a new lease on life, with hope and determination to make beauty bloom from all of the disturbing recollections.
UPDATE: I FINISHED NANOWRIMO- 50,000 IN 3 WEEKS FOR ME.
|Posted on September 10, 2019 at 11:00 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted on September 5, 2019 at 12:00 AM||comments (0)|
Today I am victorious,
Today I have wisdom, because Jesus.
Today I have favor, because Jesus.
Today I am protected, because Jesus.
Today is a gift packed with blessings.
I need only to receive them.
Today I AM
IN JESUS NAME
|Posted on September 2, 2019 at 9:40 AM||comments (0)|
It was 50 years in the making and in one day I gave up the fight and gave in to the call of Jesus.
A harsh reality at first, to be alone on a day most celebrate with friends and family. A milestone turned into a millstone and I hit the bottom. It hurt. It was a slap in the face, a punch in the gut, a kick in the pants, humiliating, disappointing and every other form of let-down you can imagine but it was what was my reality.
It was also the day I decided to stop trying on my own to achieve the things I desired.
It was the day I figured out that no matter how good I was, how generous or kind or even how forgiving I was, I could never measure up to the lengths Jesus went to show His love for us. He gave his life for ours, suffered and died for us. No greater love has anyone than he lay down his life for another.
When I realized how pathetic I felt on this particular day, I remembered how loved I am by God and it lifted me. Love lifted me. Thank You Jesus.
|Posted on August 13, 2019 at 8:25 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted on August 12, 2019 at 10:15 AM||comments (0)|
I thought I was getting better, healing and moving on, until I came face to face with family from the past. Yes, imagine I said it that way, as if family could be cordoned off to a place in time. Over flowing with deeply sad emotions, I made it home from seeing them and almost couldn't breathe. People just don't know how much a strong woman holds inside. I couldn't hold back the tears while talking to them but I was trying to.
My ex-husband's family was my adopted family for 20+ years. They were everything I ever wanted in life- a big, loving, connected family. However, when I got divorced, I divorced the family as well. I do realize this was a self-inflicted form of punishment but it was a choice I made for deeply personal reasons of which I am not going to talk about right now. Maybe the healing takes time. Maybe I will have to test the waters inch by inch instead of diving right back in. I don't know but today I became very aware of how raw things still are for me. I appreciate their warm, tender compassion - I felt it. But I am not interested in doing that again. Nope. I would rather stay in the safety of my little world and send out these notes to the big world via writing.
I honestly believe there is a bigger story happening, one that I just can't see, a new book being written perhaps, or maybe just new chapters.
|Posted on August 2, 2019 at 7:40 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted on August 2, 2019 at 7:30 PM||comments (0)|
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|Posted on July 22, 2019 at 11:15 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted on July 17, 2019 at 4:05 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted on July 17, 2019 at 3:15 PM||comments (0)|
I don't know why it took so long for me to arrive at this point in life where I am finally eating real food, but I'm glad I made it. Don't worry, I haven't been eating plastic all these years, but to be honest, one never knows anymore. I'm loving eating a whole food- plant based diet.
Before this, I was enjoying a meat and cheese type diet with vegetables (something like Keto.) And before that I was eating corn chips-every day along with chocolate, soda, and anything I wanted to eat.
The change was brought on by my children. They live a vegan lifestyle and have been influencing me for years. Only after I read the book "How Not To Die" by Dr. Michael Greggor did I make the switch to a plant based diet though. And it feels so RIGHT! Not only do the real foods taste good, they look good in my cupboards and fridge. I even started storing dry goods in recycled jars.
I love it. Does this mean I too am vegan? I'd prefer not to be labeled just in case I absolutely cannot resist something non-vegan in the future. Here is something that I'd like to shout about though- I've lost 42lbs in 3 1/2 months! 35 lbs on the keto-type diet in 3 months and 7lbs so far in 2 weeks vegan. Cheers to real food!!
|Posted on July 17, 2019 at 2:10 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted on July 17, 2019 at 1:45 PM||comments (0)|