Lori Minutoli

Writer, Poet, Author

Walk of Faith

Wasn't Expecting This Type of Change

Posted on December 31, 2017 at 7:55 AM

Hopefully in the coming year I will come to terms with my realtionship with God. I started out this year empty, void of passion for anything. I walked away from God while hoping deep down inside he wouldn't walk away from me.  I hoped that no matter how unfaithful I was, he would never leave me nor forsake me.  I hoped he understood what I was going through and would help me along even though I didn't have the courage to ask for help. Truthfully, I thought that because I stopped going to church God wouldn't want to hear my prayers.  Yet, a part of me believed that He was more than the sum of my ideas of him.  

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If I could have a wish for the new year it would be to have a solid understanding of what God thinks of me right now in my journey.  It would be to believe that I can return to Him with my prayers and supplications without fear.  It's like my head knows this is true but a little part of me thinks otherwise.  I try to understand how I got here.  How did I go from being such a solid Christian to so ashamed and unsure.  Sounds like the devil to me but here is where I am.

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Another realization I've had nearing the end of 2017 is that I lost my drive to prosper.  I have gone an entire year without doing much writing, without developing my writing plan and without having any works in progress.  I want to change that.  I want to come to terms with myself so that I may have the confidence I need to write what needs to be written. 

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I do see the relationship to my life as compared to my spiritual well being.  I do believe if I get things straight with God, all the other areas of my life will come together as well. So, how am I gonna do this? That is the million dollar question for me. Since today is the last day of 2017, I  hope to have answers by tomorrow.  I know the answer is to pray about it and let God.


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