|Posted on December 31, 2017 at 7:55 AM|
Hopefully in the coming year I will come to terms with my realtionship with God. I started out this year empty, void of passion for anything. I walked away from God while hoping deep down inside he wouldn't walk away from me. I hoped that no matter how unfaithful I was, he would never leave me nor forsake me. I hoped he understood what I was going through and would help me along even though I didn't have the courage to ask for help. Truthfully, I thought that because I stopped going to church God wouldn't want to hear my prayers. Yet, a part of me believed that He was more than the sum of my ideas of him.
If I could have a wish for the new year it would be to have a solid understanding of what God thinks of me right now in my journey. It would be to believe that I can return to Him with my prayers and supplications without fear. It's like my head knows this is true but a little part of me thinks otherwise. I try to understand how I got here. How did I go from being such a solid Christian to so ashamed and unsure. Sounds like the devil to me but here is where I am.
Another realization I've had nearing the end of 2017 is that I lost my drive to prosper. I have gone an entire year without doing much writing, without developing my writing plan and without having any works in progress. I want to change that. I want to come to terms with myself so that I may have the confidence I need to write what needs to be written.
I do see the relationship to my life as compared to my spiritual well being. I do believe if I get things straight with God, all the other areas of my life will come together as well. So, how am I gonna do this? That is the million dollar question for me. Since today is the last day of 2017, I hope to have answers by tomorrow. I know the answer is to pray about it and let God.