|Posted on January 19, 2016 at 2:55 PM|
I have changed; there is no denying, no hiding, no disguising it. I am not the same wounded soul I was months ago. Much healing has occurred since I have been on my own. Working a lot has kept me too busy to contemplate much of it. I've sat down a few times to write a blog post for you all... or you few... however many there may be, I am not sure. However, my writing style has changed. The last one I have written in my notebook for this blog was four pages written in rhyme. I simply could not post it. My thoughts have changed. My ideas have changed. What's important to me has changed. Please don't misread this!
Jesus is still the same. He is still my Lord. He knows my thoughts, sees what I am doing, and knows the desires of my heart way better than I can articulate them here. I still pray to Him and trust God for all things. I am still connected to my Christian world via social media. Lecrae is releasing a new book called Unashamed (Romans 1:16) and I pre-ordered it... got a free t-shirt too. I am very connected to the Mission Vision movement that Dee-1 is promoting. I love following Christian music artists because I believe they are doing what I hope to do: reach the lost via ART. My writing is definitely an art and I am learning to appreciate it more and more every day. Words are powerful. You know the famous quotes. I want to harness that power for a purpose.
I will tell you this: I am writing every day. I write poetry. I have a growing audience in the hundreds. I have recently been published in an online magazine in Africa. My piece was about where my strength comes from - from the One who holds the universe together. I have also been accepted in another ongoing publication out of India. I didn't make the first round but am told I will be in other collaborations of published poets. Here's the thing: it's all happening under a pen name. My name is not attached to these poems. Though the publishers have my real info, I have asked to be anonymous. Here is why: I am just getting my feet wet with poetry. I haven't established my style yet. I haven't even considered my audience yet. At the moment I am immersed in a generic pool of poets and writers; some Christian, some not. I am observing and analyzing the feedback I get from all types of poets. I must say the deeply spiritual poems get the most attention across the board. That encourages me.
In a recent conversation with a brilliant poet it was brought to my attention that no one reads blogs. You obviously do and I am aware of the past attention I have received with my writings here. However, there is a great big world out there and I want to extend my reach. As I figure it out, I will always keep in mind this audience. the ones who've been with me from the beginning. I am not leaving you high and dry. I will keep my website active and continue to keep you updated on my progress. I have big plans. I have goals. I have ideas. I just don't have a lot of time anymore. So, at this juncture of my life, I have decided to live intentionally. I am not waiting for something to happen - I am making things happen.
One thing personal I can share is that I joined Weight Watchers a few weeks ago. I have lost according to plan and I am extremely motivated. Eating healthy has never been so good. I feel great. Honestly, I am happier than.... than I think I ever have been. This morning as I walked back to my bedroom with a cup of coffee, I noticed the peace that surrounds me. It washed over me with such beauty I felt it deep. It's those moments I still cherish. I still look for beauty in all things. I still see God's plan unfolding in my life. I am brought to tears when I consider that He chooses me to do His will. I am awed by Him.
One final thought I don't need to share but I want to put a period at the end of it. Since I have been in this better place in life I am now able to see the past year and a half from a different perspective. I see the obsession. I see how ridiculous I was over certain individuals. I am embarrassed at this point but I am not carrying that burden. I am changed. I no longer occupy my thoughts with the same things. Pastor Wills was right- it was a phase. It had a purpose- it brought me to this point in my life. I still appreciate the music but no longer pay much attention to the performers. Don't count this over and done however. I love going to concerts! I will continue. I simply said the obsession was over.
Believe me when I say this- I want to share poetry with you. I am just not ready yet. Still so much work to do, lots to develop. And the Kaleidastorm book is still on the forefront of my mind. Every day I want to work on that and every day I get distracted. It will be self-published as a hard copy book in the hopefully near future. I appreciate your patience. After all, it's only been three months that I've been on my own. Busy busy busy I am.
May God bless you all as He so richly blesses me. This picture is how I often find myself when I am not working.