|Posted on April 16, 2015 at 4:35 PM|
Do you know who you are?
That is the question I have been asking myself for several months. I have been updating my own personal operating system so-to-speak and have discovered many corrupted files. The ONLY authority I have allowed to decipher what is corrupt and what isn't is the Word of God, the Holy Spirit living in me. It has taken months of isolation and heartbreaking soul searching to find the Truth within but I can now tell you that I believe it was all worth it. I have a firmer belief of who I am and all of my confidence is in Christ. Without Him, I am nothing.
Dee -1, a Christian hip-hop artist, says in one of his songs "the journey's more important than the destination." Stop and think about that and you will realize that some of us focus so much on reaching Heaven that we miss out on living and loving in this life. Jesus didn't have to come to earth, but he did because "God so loved the world." Jesus is our example of LOVE.
For years I have been called hurtful names and have fought the urge to believe the accusations. I have clung to Jesus and proclaimed the victory in Him year after year. If that is true, then how did my operating system become corrupted by the very same lies I thought I didn't believe?
Here is what I've discovered. I allowed the thoughts to enter my mind and debated with myself whether they were true. Once I decided they were not true and I chose to accept the victory given to me in Christ. I proclaimed and accepted that victory but never removed the corrupt files. They laid dormant while I continuously ran my victory program. Having done that for years upon years, there were many files lying dormant in my mind. When I found myself in a very dark place apart from God because of sin, where I wasn't running the victory program, these corrupt files became active! My darkness became even darker and I did not like what I was seeing in myself. It took a lot of help from a friend to remove the corrupt files. She was so patient with me, even when she didn't understand why I was allowing myself to run these programs which only hurt me. She couldn't even think of a way to get me out of the darkness, so she prayed for me. I suffered terribly in my mind. I hated myself. I couldn't see the light of Jesus in me though I knew he was there and I knew He would never leave me. The corrupt files just dominated my mind. I now know the reason was because I had my eyes focused on the lies and not on Jesus.
Then she said something that I wasn't considering prior to the day it finally hit me. She said to not to even look at it. "It" being the accusations, the evil, the dark, the hate... the corrupt files.
"Not look at it? But it has my name all over it. It's all throughout my mind."
I really didn't understand how I was supposed to "not look at it."
She said "delete it and don't read it."
I should be able to do that, right? Most of you know me and you know how much I LOVE TO DELETE & throw away things. This should have been an automatic for me. Yet I let the lies circle my mind, I let them create a storm of activity and I embraced the darkness until one day the sadness was too great. I finally decided to try to remove the bad information.
Do you know how difficult it is to remove something from your mind? It means you mentally dismiss its existence and never recall it again. If it comes to your mind in the slightest bit, you have to dismiss it, change your thoughts to something else and NEVER LET IT ENTER YOUR SPIRIT again. By the GRACE OF GOD only was this even possible. I did it for a while and with each thing I dismissed I replaced it with a TRUTH from God's Word!
Eventually the corrupt files were removed and the victory program worked perfectly. Now when I get attacked I automatically dismiss it, delete it, don't let it enter my spirit, don't give it a place in my speech or my mind and I hold fast once again to Jesus and who He says I am. That is the victory program- VICTORY IN JESUS.
There's a reason, I believe, that the journey's more important than the destination. I believe we are suppose to learn the things of God by living transparently and allow the Spirit of God to work in and through us. We are supposed to be a light in this dark world. A light only shines in the darkness so we have to know how to journey through the dark. Until we get to heaven we have to show and share the LOVE of God here on earth. It is what God wants for us: to love and be loved, to love Him and be loved by Him. It's really quite a beautiful concept when you've seen the dark and you see the Light, there is no better place to be than in the Light of God's LOVE.
Now that my operating system is working properly guess what else is working like never before? Discernment! I am quite pleased with my new filtering program. I used to look to others for examples of righteousness in Christ. I held such a high standard for Christian character and yet I failed myself and fell into the pit of sin and despair. I am not perfect. You are not perfect. Wow! What a revelation that was to not only see but experience. Lesson learned: Jesus Christ is the only example of RIGHTEOUSNESS. When I look to Him for guidance I cannot be led astray.
I know who I am now. I know what I believe and I know where I am going. I know who is leading me and I know who is after me.
MY EYES ARE ON JESUS!